it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
