My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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