sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
