Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
