There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
