You work out of a Hotel?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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