I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
