the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
