Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize