Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize