is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
