So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize