Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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