the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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