Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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