wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
