He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
