drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
