It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
