she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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