Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
