Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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