Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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