If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
