im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
