fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
