This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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