I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
