So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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