I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize