I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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