my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
