I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
