She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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