if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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