Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My penis needs a shock collar
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
