Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
