Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
