I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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