she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
