we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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