home. puking in laundry basket.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
