Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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