tell your sister to shave her snatch
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
