Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
