I want to have your abortion
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
