Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
