whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I have feelings that need drinking.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
