I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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