Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
