The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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