I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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