Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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