just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize