Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
