i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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