So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
