it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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