Whod you bang
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
