I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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