I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
