and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
