he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
