Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize