I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
