oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
